new album by esem

esem is one of those musicmaker friends of mine that keep astonishing the given life out of my little braincells.

ever since the N.O.I.S.E. days with his alterego stereoman that i've been overwhelmingly impressed with the quality of his stuff. and the commercial album releases that followed on defocus and m3rck fell on me like unconditional love in an ocean filled with disapointment. his music is of the most beautiful kind i have heard and he just released a new album through kahvi netlabel. haven't heard more then a couple tracks so far, but i'm falling deeply in love with it already.. i can only _strongly_ _extremly_ recommend a listen to it to everyone and their families.

esem - scateren

after hearing it whole a couple of times i can safely add the following: george marinov rocks my socks off!

BOOZING WITH ACCESSiON ONLY!

*big grin*

am i leet yet? :P

too gawth for dixan in my mind

dark stalker
feeder of the night
lander of the faith
caresser of the language

tentative spikes
and mortuary shapes
more images that rattle inside

faith forlorn
lament your soul
feed me my light
caress me my soul
torture my ...

..i hear in my head dixan commenting on the lyrics i just typed
and i wonder, how the fucking hell can anyone pretend to be a goth with friends like him?..
talk about indirect external influences... !!
i mean, no wonder del hasn't been releasing anything serious.. lol

he just keeps saying in my head "thats so gawth!!" and laughing..
and i crack myself up laughing with him, because he does have a good point in the end...
i completly loose track over the mood of creativity to keep writting..

how the fucking hell does one do any good song or demo or whatever when something is just suddenly cut in half by a comment by cesare? lol, i'm so screwed.

now how the hell am i gonna recover where the hell i wanted to go with this? fucking useless international sceners ^^

blargh, scene poetry sucks!

some people do say it helps them get the point.. but it's always so fucking tacky!...

eitherway, fuckings to dixan / kewlers-alter-ego ^ spatting fans , for ruining my goth burst :)

np: lsr - oct05

d^o^b <3 <3 <3

in.email: 6
todo.txt: 18

life feels sweet ^^

(NNY) ECT [tube026]

my friend nny's album has finally got released. it's up at testtube as tube026. features a remix from me.. the netlabel release even made it to the news. spooky shit. :)
so check out the release if you're into experimental micromusic sounds.

chiptune activism went busted!

nullsleep and bitshifter got to learn that prison is serious business while distributing some flyers to their latest gig venture in nyc, the international chiptune resistance, which happened a couple days ago.

ph34r speedfisters

speedfisters latest demos are getting very ph34r m3 beautiful lately.

cute and silly ^^

reminded me to check new megatokyo strips. they own! :)

d^_^b

np: Inkubus Sukkubus - Fey
in.email: 12
todo.txt: 23

lazy sunday tour de radio

lazy sunday radio played all day while i slept nice and warm ^^
i'm sure there will be a recording of it available sometime in the future...

yesterday morning had a brilliant thick white fog glooming outside ^^
tonight the stars are bare again. i wish there was light in the city at night so i could watch a real night sky once more.. *sigh*

while people discussed how awesome each others tpolm lazy sunday sets were i got a rush for demowatching session:

• sts-04: instant zen / synesthetics
• ocean machine / TBL
• mosaik / haujobb

"when i grow up i wanna make demos too" ^^

just another lazy sunday..

just another lazy sunday..
the radio plays nice songs, unfortunatly i can't listen couz i'm out of bandwidth.

got tired of playing GTA..

np: gilo feat. likido - levantamos a voz

just listening to latest enoughrecords release, writing an article about capitalism influence over freeculture for that dreamcast diskmag project from the dreamcast scene, while the exact vocabulary is re-brewed i'm spending my time bothering graphician friends to do some pictures for some upcoming releases. i'm feeling very buenzli right now... (that means to feel like a hardcore scene activist, for those who didn't get it)

np: gilo - ai visto...

d^_^b

interview with Sid Meyer @ slashdot

nice one

Razor1911 - blz's whispers

d^_^b

email: 9
todo.txt: 22

tpolm lazy sunday radio 23/10/2005

ultra mega leet flyer webpage thingie specially for announcing the event..
and i guess enoughrecords ain't a friend worth linkage -_-

i'm cold.

np: nullsleep - trail of rupees

email: 16
todo.txt: soon 23

"do androids dream of electric sheep"

that electrisheep screensaver thing wasnt as nice implementation as i originally perceived it to might be..
mpeg trading is still too much of a nuissance, would be alot better if it was procedural and rendered by the program itself..
and the distributed generativeness of the project.. bah, they were just fooling around, no concrete objective besides spreading nice visuals.. sucks.. oh well, atleast they been doing stuff...

np: arovane - passage to nagoya

email inbox 20
todo.txt 23

the comedown

been listening to the darkvault ii tracks and chatting with sole for the last hour.
i seem to finally be coming down out of the small anxiety/frustration crisis from earlier on.. i still rather avoid people for the rest of the night though..

dark and long whine

i listen to the rain falling in the dark outside, but it wont untie the knot i have in my stomach..

i need to stop thinking about it. stop caring. just move on.

but i can't. i don't want to. i want to fix things instead. i don't want to stop caring. i need to, BUT I CAN'T. and it just makes me feel fucking imature.

my stomach still grows butterflies every time and i don't want it to anymore. i want it to go away, i want to stop beeing afraid of what might happen next, i want to break free from this curse. i want to put things behind me, move on. but i can't stop going back into thinking about it!! it's frustrating, annoying, depressive, disturbing and fucking imature of me. and i can't get over it. ;_;

i need to just stop thinking about it, but i keep doing it. deep down i want to fix things instead. BUT I CAN'T!! BECAUSE IT'S NOT UP TO ME. _AND IF I WOULD TRY I WOULD JUST MAKE THINGS WORSE_. so why the fuck do i keep wanting to fix it? JUST STOP GIVING A FUCK ALREADY FILIPE!!! you fucked up little portuguese boy... just get over it.

but i cant... i hate myself... fucking cry baby.

3 new members approved into scene.org

done with another scene.org meeting, we seem to have approved 3 new members. meeting went quite well.

on another news, there seems to be a new tpolm lazysundayradio broadcast coming up next weekend.

on a completly diferent note, i suddenly feel like im a horrible person uncapable of communicating with people without always managing to annoy or upset them. they depress me. they start thinking it's because i don't like them, questioning the meaning behind what i say. they make me hate myself for still falling into their traps. i wish i didn't have to talk with anyone, not have to keep explaining that i didn't mean things like they are claiming i did. not beeing judged on meaning what i say and saying what i mean. not beeing missunderstood. but it appears to be impossible to avoid, and i hate it. i deeply truly hate it to death. -_-
i wish real-life was an RPG and we could just change some members of our party with one of the re-enforcements. why is life so complicated? cant we all just get along and be happy? ;_;

np: silence of the computer fan

i wrote a cv, and surprise surprise it's dark & long!

np: switchblade symphony - dollhouse

hmm.. been rewritting my cv for some univ internship issues..

i'm starting to actually feel capable of running an r&d AI audiovisual project completly on my own now. i mean, it appears so much easier than it did 4 years ago, the figuring out smart aplicability ideas, engineering solutions and digging up the documention is so much more straight forward now.. im not still quite sure if it's just the practise over accomplishing so many projects or something else..

what i'm practically only missing is the usual small detail of lacking any freetime whatsoever for new projects.. and time is money in this place... i need to start cutting down on things, make room for a possible 24/7 affair.

oh, how it would be cool to be able to develop these research ideas connected to the univ.. but i fathom i'll instead be force-fed some more of the usual useless database modelling bullshit instead.. :/

please santa, if you're hearing me, when i grow up i want a world to live with no database coding involved. they say xmas is whenever we want it to be!

xbox softmod

found this nice xbox mod article when going through nicolas conspirazie blogthingie.
quite nice..

scene.org awards 2005 responsabilities.. already!?

np: enya - aldebaran

one more email about scene.org awards replied..
i thought we were only supposed to start thinking about it after bcnparty.. ¨O_ó
aparently not.. im wasting all my free time on diskmag and scene.org shit :/

one more email deleted..
now i only have 27 emails on my inbox... O_o
and 25 lines on my todo.txt
i wonder how they keep growing... i mean.. im sitting here all night.. they're supposed to go _down_ in number not up... and yet they always seem to either stay the same or increase.. maybe i really am overworking myself. o_O why do i feel useless and lazy all the time then? O_o

the moon hid itself,
the fog grew thicker and whiter.

i still haven't done the damn university thing i was supposed to do yesterday night...

np: nobuo uematsu - pirates ahoy!

i made the horrid mistake of websurfing my way into a snesmusic site ^^
now im stuck playing final fantasy music for the rest of the night as the bright full moon pierces the thickening fog. ^^

memories of unrebutable triumphs resurge!
the immense battles, the shocking storyline. ^^
heros beeing regrouped. ^^
the joy and sadness of the heat of the battle.
the comic races around the open grass fields and ice palaces.
spooky and awe revealing beautiful caves. ^o^
the deadly path ahead! the horror the pain the agony!!
the willpower, the determination!
worthy of highest praise! a true legendary hero!!! :o

oh shit, i still havent done the univ work i was supposed to do tonight, one more line for my todo.txt

week off

np: pause 20 - mario on the run

yet another grey rainy morning..
it feels like i been doing nothing usefull past couple days, todo list getting back up to 23 items..
got a whole week of nothing to code the remixes of "who cares idiot" and do some new sounds..
gotta stop pretending to plan and start doing.

boozetuga 0x3A

there was a meeting of the inercia organization team today at 1700.
most people couldnt come, in the end we were 4 blokes wondering exactly what the non present people's intentions regarding the future of the organization exactly is.
in the end we restated the obvious, decided to book another meeting soon and went eat some francesinhas after dropping off starsman.

soon we were toasting to another boozetuga with our jugs of beer, watching moppi's flower effect on the psp, talking about the prods we still need to finish for bcnparty trip in couple weeks, and generally having a great time discussing hightech computer nerd shit.

we dropped off jeenio wishing him the best for his mother's upcoming surgery and went back to my place for some more fun and idling.

a lot of demowatching, music trading and whiskey drinking later evil and breakneck leave me with yet another half finished bottle of booze to store in my cabinet, upkeeping the always unused stock for future boozetugas. so now i have left, open bottles: one bottle of port, one bottle of cheap wine, one bottle of glögg, one bottle of whiskey, one large bottle of water containing salmiakki, one small bottle of water containing white martini. i wonder how i'm ever gonna get rid of all this... i don't even drink alone that much anymore.. O_o

so i didnt go check the ordo equilibrium gig.. oh well. cant be dark and long all the time. ^_^

dark & long remix remix

i just realized that replacing the deepness in the sky dark and long remix soundtrack by first track of underworld dark & long ep is disturbingly kept well synced!! O_O
it owns ^^ and didnt even try to do it on purpose! ^^

051015

np: ps - like butterflies dancing without wings


i wish i would wake up now...


feel the rain down my face again
dripping through the gargoyles
empty in the street

it feels like it's been years now
ages since i first began unravelling it
dying by the gutter

the sound still seems appropriate

the glimpse of the shadows behind me

the only ghost i'm running from is myself.

PAiN 10/05

one line removed from my todo.txt

european-wide music copyright control

i read on slashdot that the guys in charge of things upstate are altering Music copyright: Commission recommendation on management of online rights in musical works

it seems the european law to remove copyright control from the countries specific organizations and give it to a new whole-european covering entity is well underway..

the question remains, will this be good or bad?
on one hand we loose all the Teosto's GEMA's SIAE's and the likes.
on the other.. are they just going to replace it with an european version of RIAA?

if fighting country sized corporations destined to capitalize on anyone making or listening to music was bad, i wonder how it'll be on continent level.. harder to sue or defend yourself against is my predictment.

let's hope i am wrong and the european politicians are aware of all the destruction and repression that the music industry has been causing on our free music culture. and the importance to preserve it instead of just trying to maximize profit compared to the US.. i don't want even more european pop ballads in the radio!! i want real music, i want a choice of music taste! :(

as an artist, netlabel owner, both profit and nonprofit music consumer, free music archivist, music culture promoter and EU citizen: i am scared, very scared.

another last minute partyreport for PAiN

ai, one more last minute PAiN layouting to do!
Damn women, always the last to deliver the work. -_-
Atleast it was a cool report to read. ^^
Fuckings to Delilah's university for keeping her so busy!!

PAiN should get released tomorow!!!1 ^o^

dont you want more PAiN at bcnparty?!

np: icon of coil - existence in progress

there were thunders today ^^ just a couple but enough to make me silly happy for quite a few hours again ^^

i'm done with all work for the new issue of PAiN!!.. \o/
proofchecking preview for the 6th time.

no more articles expected by now even though some more naughty people didn't do their share of the work. but i guess they have some good "lack of time" excuses lined up, so it's cool, i'll just release a couple of noisy fucktros at them on bcnparty! some well deserved fuckings to the spanish scene for leaving all the work for the overstressed ladies in london. Since she told me she wouldn't be able to go to bcnparty this year, i'm planning to take that opportunity to flood them with some of the real hardcore noise again, none of that ambient softcore shit, some real mindshattering powernoise with complete nonsensical graphics. yes, you read it right bitches, you'll suffer for your hedious crimes filthy spaniard horde! Be afraid, be very afraid.

they just don't seem to realize once and for all that they're supposed to contribute to the international scene more openly. Just organizing cool parties isn't enough, can't they get that? Maybe the spanish sceners _really can't_ read english! :o No fear, i'll assist in the sceneducation with some nice prods.

3 weeks to the big showdown, bcnparty will dominate. NiR!

I also officially dared the guys behind this new kickass demo that is called something like rubber stamp, the Limp Ninja bitches to a battle to the death at the democompo! They foolishly accepted to show us their best kungfu. Pityful fools, they'll plea for mercy before the prods are finished premiering. They think they can just insult the master of experimental ambient demos taking so long to reveal their strength in the arts, and just get away with it? They must have been doing drugs, For sure! I wanna see them stand on their own two feet against me without the boomboomboom crowdpleasingsellout bullshit. We'll eat them raw and spit them back alive. You all reading this, just wait for it! you'll see.

Dj Shadow highschool cover

highschool kids feeling the shadow power.
yo feel the pride building up brotha:
"Building up Steam from a grain of salt" short preview

np: Aenima - Revolutions

i just created the best pouet avatar ever! yes, ofcourse it's dark and long, it's a dark Hirmu!! Si teh best! ^^ NiR!!

no PAiN work left to do tonight. Just waiting for promised spanish articles that never will come in due time. Spanish sceners are lazy. They don't know how to have sex or engage in noble battles, they are boring. They suck! :p

np: pause 20 feat. mikesh - so happy

argh! the song rules!!
and i can't make it to the wedding. :((
i suck! i suck! i suck! ://
why didn't i buy the planeticket anyways :((
graaah!!! someone shoot me and get it over with! ;_;

np: mr.projectile - you need

more articles to layout. more tracks to finish. more emails to reply. more responsabilities to attend. more of everything except free time.
i wish it would rain..

still need to finish proofreading/rewritting some parts of the letter to eff about the scene.org preemptive GEMA care situation analysis.

and more PAiN to attend. always more PAiN.. and dealing with trying not to be mean to people that took responsabilities and arent upkeeping them.

i'm sorry i can't go to your wedding eva and tobi, i'll give you a cool PAiN to compensate. even though i know it won't ever forgive my absence. :( I'm sorry!! :(

and on an even sadder note, m3rck label is closing down. :/ Sucks ass, love their stuff. :(

i wished it to rain.. it's starting now.. oh, how i miss the thunderstorm. i hope they start striking soon.. catch me offguard!! ^^ mmm how i missed just hearing the rain fall! it's so nice and peacefull.. <3 <3 <3

(esa) sign.silence [s3p016]

i'm in a lake. a big dark lake.
it's illustrious and imponent.
it conquers monsoons with it's calmness.

strangers like my computer noise \o/

^^ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
<3 <3 *^________^* <3 <3
^o^ ^O^ ^o^ <3 <3

np: nine inch nails - something i can never have

i wonder if things really matter to her.
those serious things that seemed to matter to me.
i wonder what else i could do with my life.
something other then what's already planned.
something different.
something to help me find the importance of things.
maybe in the long term i'll realize that it's already been happening.
the telluric currents move in peculiar ways..

need to order that last exile dvd...

aura for laura

hmm.. my brother gave me a ps2 a couple days ago..
so i'm now burning a cdr with aura for laura, what else is there to do at 5am while listening to crankshaft commando rmx?..

ps2 couldn't read the cdr.. damn. :/

np: switchblade symphony - fear

oh look, there is a .depend in there.. so that's why netris wouldnt rmdir..
how nice, one less physical scar of her in the system to haunt me..

Taito dominates

short interviews with makers of space invaders and bubble bobble. ^__^

don't you want more PAiN?

another entire afternoon spent proofreading and formatting a demoscene article, forgot to eat, and slightly pretended not to recall that i had a class to attend. interview with Zoom finished, interview with Outracks waiting for their reading approval. just listening to pause 20 rehearsals for tobi's wedding gig. sucks that it's on a friday, can't make it. :/

6 days till deadlines for PAiN. 80 votes so far.. have you contributed yet?

and some ppl claim i'm obsessed with demoscene.. whatever gave you that idea?

Black Birdies

as if it wasnt enough that i couldn't ever manage to attend any of the cool swedish parties, they even have some great releases. damn swedish bastards, having all the fun without us. flt and ddv seem to particularly be on fire :)


oh yeh, album of the month: Amorphous Androgynous - alice in ultraland